(original post date: 10/02/2012)
Not sure that I’m up for this. Seems like everything around me is changing, and I’m not adapting quickly enough. Normally, I’m excited by change; but this, is just too much, too fast. My world has been turned upside down over the past 19 months and all of my usual coping skills seem completely useless.
For 23 years I was a wife and stay at home mother. Granted, I was married to an alcoholic, drug addicted man who couldn’t hold down a job, nor maintain any kind of relationship with anyone. The twistedness and distortions that exist inside a drug and alcohol damaged mind are beyond description or understanding; and I truly tried. I know that deep down, in his spirit, he’s a kind, gentle, and loving man, but it’s all been burried so deeply beneath years of destructive abuse; I don’t think he has the strength to search for it. It’s sad.
For years (and years) I held out hope. When everyone around me advised me to “cut my losses” I said “No, God will let me know when it’s time to give up.” I just figured that when that time finally came, I’d be more prepared. I figured that compared to the dysfunctional world that I’d been living in, real life would be a peice of cake. I didn’t count on the loneliness and disorientation; or the pain and fear. And I certainly never factored in the horrible sense of total abandonment
For 23 years I was a wife and stay at home mother. Granted, I was married to an alcoholic, drug addicted man who couldn’t hold down a job, nor maintain any kind of relationship with anyone. The twistedness and distortions that exist inside a drug and alcohol damaged mind are beyond description or understanding; and I truly tried. I know that deep down, in his spirit, he’s a kind, gentle, and loving man, but it’s all been burried so deeply beneath years of destructive abuse; I don’t think he has the strength to search for it. It’s sad.
For years (and years) I held out hope. When everyone around me advised me to “cut my losses” I said “No, God will let me know when it’s time to give up.” I just figured that when that time finally came, I’d be more prepared. I figured that compared to the dysfunctional world that I’d been living in, real life would be a peice of cake. I didn’t count on the loneliness and disorientation; or the pain and fear. And I certainly never factored in the horrible sense of total abandonment
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