Well. Well, well, well. It's been almost a year since I last posted. And it's been a year full of changes.
As I mentioned, I lost my job with EyeMasters in October. I am still looking for work.
Shortly after my last post, my mother's health became much more serious. She spent the first half of 2013 in and out of the hospital. Actually, more in, than out. Shortly after her 75th birthday, we learned that the cancer had spread not only to her other lung, but to several other areas of her body. She passed away May 2nd. I miss her so much. She was one of the few people that I could talk to when my life got crazy; and she was always there for me.
I think it was about the middle of January, Charlie moved out , and my oldest son, Nick, moved in with me; along with his wife, and two children; Brooklyn and Malachi.
At some point in April, Charlie returned, asking to stay "just a day or two" - He's still here.
The end of June, I became officially divorced. (finally)
In August, Nick and Jenn rented a duplex just a couple of blocks away.
Unfortunately, It was about that same time that my ex-husband was released from jail; and of course, he moved in with them. Which (I told them) was a very bad idea because, both Nick and Roy are alcoholics/drug addicts with a long history of using together.
According to "The Plan", Roy was supposed to help with rent, food, and utilities. Two days after he moved in, The chaos began. Since Roy was finally free, with a place to live, someone to take care of him, and someone to use with, his first major decision was to quit his job and return to his old way of life. Because, you know, being a drunk and destroying other people's lives really IS a full time job - if you're going to do it right. Since then, it's pretty much been the same old bullshit. I've done my best to stay as distant and detached as possible, but Jenn reached her breaking point about a month ago, and it's just a bad environment for my grandchildren to be in.
I can't say that Nick has been an angel, even before his Dad was released. Shortly after Malachi was born he returned to drinking and smoking reefer on a regular basis. And of course, all that leads back to his use of harder drugs. (although, I don't think it's been as regular as it used to be.) I've known that for a long time his use of methadone is more recreational than therapeutic. And I'm afraid that his long term use of it has changed him greatly. His highs are so full of anger and violence now. In fact, the reason that he moved back in with me was because things just got so out of hand that their lives were falling apart. Last summer, he was charged with theft and he's now serving time on house arrest. If he doesn't pull himself together soon, he's going to lose everything.
Which is why Nick and Roy just CANNOT be around each other. Roy is never going to change; In fact, he's just getting worse. In all honesty, I believe he's just too far gone. I know that AA teaches that no one is beyond help. But reality shows that the chances for recovery of a long term alcoholic/drug abuser is very low. And looking at my husband, I can see why. He has simply done so much damage to his mind ,that I don't think he can even grasp the concepts needed for recovery. Unless God reaches down, and makes a very real and personal appearance in Roy's life, nothing will change. I still pray for that, but God does as he pleases, when he pleases. So in the meantime, I will accept the things I cannot change, and try my best to change the things that I can.
Nick loves his dad. He refuses to give up on him. He doesn't realise that letting go is Roy's best, and possibly only, chance for survival. Nick (now) realises that having his Dad move in with him was a bad idea. But he can't bring himself to do what needs to be done - he really isn't strong enough. Or, at least, he doesn't believe in his own strength right now.
Sooooo, Well, I warned my ex that if he returned to his nasty habits of hurting people who have tried to do nothing but care for him, that I would bury his ass.
Actually, what I said to Roy was:
"For too long now, I have been so wrapped up in your sickness, that I've failed to properly protect my children. I'm done with that. My children are my children, no matter how old they are; and I WILL protect them from you. You need to know that if you endanger them, I will do what EVER it takes to keep them from harm."
So last week, I made a little phone call to Roy's P.O. and informed him of all Roy's lies and shenanigans. Of course, Roy's P.O. can't discuss anything with me, but he said that he'd "discuss it with him." At Roy's last visit, his P.O. told him that he needed to find another place to live, or return to the residential center. That needs to happen soon, one way or the other.
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